I support couples who are hoping to feel more connected with their significant others.
My clients struggle as you do. Despite working hard on their relationships, trying to communicate the best they know how, and genuinely wanting their teammates back, relationships are hard.
When they first come in, they feel like they’ve tried everything they can to get back what they had when they first started the relationship. They just feel so helpless in the fight and they are tired.
They feel like they are talking to a brick wall or speaking a different language from their partners. They just don’t feel like their partner is really understanding them, but they don’t know how else to say it.
They feel more and more like they are fighting against their partner, rather than fighting with them. They feel lonely and aren’t sure if they can reach out again because they know how hard it is when they feel rejected.
Their bickering gets in the way of the life they want in so many ways. They aren’t the kind of partner they want to be. They feel like their relationship is failing and maybe that is affecting their families too, more than they’re willing to admit.
Like my clients, you deserve to have the relationship you want. Whether that means coming to terms with the end of your relationship, or finding that connection again that helps you feel close to your partner.
If you want to change your relationship and rekindle the love you know you’re capable of, I’d love to help you.
What happened to happily ever after?
You never thought you would be here- thinking about that scary divorce word. When you chose your partner, you did it because you loved them so much and never wanted it to end. Now, you still don’t want it to end but you don’t know how to get through this. You have been fighting to get back to that feeling- when you knew they were the love of your life. Now, you’re tired and hurt and you don’t know what else to do. You might feel lonely even if they are in the same home as you. You might be afraid to say anything, in case it starts yet another argument and makes things worse. You sit on the couch with your partner, both of you on opposite ends, neither of you paying any attention to the other- one is watching TV, the other is on their phone. Planning a date night feels like a chore and sometimes it just doesn’t happen at all. You may notice that you or your partner:
- Keeps harping on issues, making you feel like you can’t do anything right.
- Shuts down or remains silent, making you feel like they don’t care
- Criticizes you in a hurtful way
- Says things that are genuinely mean- i.e. uses sarcasm, name calling, mimicking
- Uses threatening body language- eye rolling, scoffing, cutting tones, raising voice/yelling
- Is defensive
If this sounds like you or sounds like it will be you sometime in the future if you don’t find another way, therapy might be for you.
How could relationship therapy possibly help us?
Many times, couples fall into a pattern of conflict, where you end up having the same conversation over and over and feel like you get no where. Couples therapy is intended to add in a third party that is solely focused on the health of your relationship. I will help you to understand what your partner is trying to say and helps them hear you in a different way. This change supports the creation of a different, deeper conversation where we talk more about how we can grow closer together, rather than blaming each other for why we fell apart.
What does a session look like?
When we first meet, we will talk about what is going on in your relationship and how you would like it to look. I will meet with each partner individually to discuss background information- where you come from, what relationships have been like in the past, etc., in order to get a better sense of who each person is on an individual level. Everyone comes into a relationship with their own lens through which they view the world. I want to get an idea of what that looks like for each of you and how those two worldviews intertwine when you are trying to communicate your point of view.
Then we will dig into that conflict pattern in order for you both to recognize what it looks like, where it comes from, and how to have a different conversation in the future.
Ready to take your first step?
Courageous Steps 