Does any of this sound like you?
-You’ve noticed how harshly you speak to yourself. You wouldn’t use those words with a stranger, let alone a friend, but for you? How else would you make sure you avoid mistakes or get motivated to do anything, right?
–You find it hard to keep friendships or romantic partnerships. People just don’t feel very safe to you. You’d rather stay at home alone or with your pets because you know they will always be there for you.
–You feel like a burden on everyone around you. You make yourself as small as possible and put your needs last on the list to make sure everyone else is taken care of and happy. Sometimes it feels good to take care of others, other times you feel spent and tired, or maybe a little resentful.
–You’ve noticed yourself getting angry at others and you just don’t know how to deal with it. If you bring it up every time, you’ll be nit-picky and hard to please. You feel like you need to pick your battles. So you push it down until you can’t take it anymore and explode, leaving you feeling guilty afterwards.
–You feel anxious often. Every day things really take a toll on you and your mind is swimming in the “what if” scenarios. When you’re on step one, your mind is on step ten and has already figured out several ways things could go wrong. You have trouble leaving your comfort zone. You might want to try something new and it could be great, but it could also be horrible and it feels better here where you know what will happen, even if its not the life you really want.
–You put a mask on in front of others. You don’t want to be seen for who you really are. What if they don’t like you? What if they find out you aren’t as good of a person as they want you to be? It feels much better to hide that part of you away and pretend to be someone else in front of them. Maybe no one knows who you really are. When you think about it, it makes you lonely, but that feels better than any alternative you can think of.
If you read any of these descriptions and saw yourself in them, I’d love to help support you in having the life you really want, not the life you feel you’ve settled for.
What would a session look like?
We will meet for an initial session, where we get a good idea of your background, needs, and what you want out of your therapeutic experience. My aim is to establish a collaborative relationship between us in order to achieve tangible goals set forth by you. After the information gathering stage, we will talk. I will ask you questions to help you explore what is going on, teach you coping skills, and push you to reach for the life you want.
I believe that my job is not to give advice, but to empathetically listen to the client and bring attention to problematic patterns, inconsistencies, habits, thoughts and emotions in order to make a desired change in the client’s life. My job is not to tell you what to do. I do not presume to know what you should do in any situation in your life. After all: you are the expert on your own life. It would be arrogant of me to believe I know better. I can give you suggestions based on what has been helpful to others or based on scientific study, but it is up to you to decide what is best for you and enact change in your life.
How would therapy help?
My clients have noticed speaking more kindly to themselves and giving room to make mistakes, because we are all learning here. They find that they are approaching things that make them afraid, rather than running from them. Instead of pushing their emotions down until they can’t take it anymore, they practice skills they need to cope with and through their emotions. They might recognize that the way they have been reacting to people and events have been based on what they’ve been taught in the past, which helps them to communicate with loved ones about what is going on and try to choose a different course of action. They learn to replace their unhelpful coping skills with more beneficial ones. They start to recognize patterns that they picked up from the past and although they understand why they have coped this way, they recognize this pattern is no longer helpful in the life they have today. They learn how to be authentically themselves and gather social supports that appreciate who they are.
Sound too good to be true? Understandable. You’ve been struggling for quite some time and have tried the best you can with all the energy and skills you have available to you. Progress can be slow, and is absolutely not linear, but my clients who put in the effort do see changes in their lives.
Ready to take your first step?
Courageous Steps 